Tips for Coping with your Parent's Dementia
80People react in very different ways to the failing health of loved ones. Some people are born caregivers. They will cheerfully find all the necessary coping strategies as if they had been preparing themselves their entire lives for this challenge. For others, there is a steep learning curve. I hope these tips will help a little.
Look After Yourself
One of the most important things is to look after yourself. The better that you feel, the better able you will be to cope with the demands of a parent suffering from dementia. So if you enjoy a particular activity try and find ways to make you sure you have the time to continue it.
Whatever you enjoy- whether it is a hobby, a physical activity or a social get together will make you stronger. We are all able to give more freely if our own needs are being met. Physical activities also help to keep you fit so you tire less easily.
The different kinds of dementia, from Alzheimer's to Vascular Dementia, are described on this page.
The Difference Between Alzheimer's and other kinds of Dementia
Realize that sometimes a completely new kind of Relationship is Needed.
It can be difficult to see a parent as being anything other than a parent. Even when serious late stage dementia means that communication of any kind is very difficult, it is tempting to continue the relationship of old.
One of the best responses to dementia is to find a role that you can slip in and out of. The new role is more likely to be closer to professional caregiver than son or daughter. Even in the later stages of dementia, there will be moments of clarity when your parent is truly your parent. These moments can be treasured. Often though, your parent will be someone that you simply have responsibility for.
Accept ‘Bad’ Behavior
If a parent behaves 'badly’ don’t respond to them as if they should understand what they are doing. Accept that they cannot. Take practical steps to stop the behavior instead. If they spill breakfast cereals all over the floor, for instance, try and keep the box out of reach. If you go out, leave only enough food out for them to eat while you are gone.
Getting angry will only increase the dementia sufferers sense of bewilderment and make them behave in a more chaotic way.
Dealing With Aggressive Behavior
Aggression is most often associated with depression in dementia sufferers. Depression leads to bad sleeping patterns which also increase irritability
Enjoyable activities can help to lift depression, as can exercise. Arts and crafts work can really help some people, even if they have never been involved in this kind of thing before.
Anti-depressant medication can also help.
With most dementia sufferers, rage passes very quickly and it is just a question of weathering the storm and reducing the opportunities for harm.
Art Work for Dementia Sufferers
Creating a Calm and Well Organized Environment
Dementia sufferers can often get along well in an environment where things are always where they expect them to be. Episodes of acute distress can be brought on by the frustration of not being able to find something in it's normal place.
Loud noise and sudden changes of any kind can also be upsetting for dementia sufferers.
Dealing with Wandering
Your parent won’t want to get lost. In fact, it is a terrifying experience. A final resort to wandering might be to lock doors but this can be a problem if there is a fire. Many parents just need a reminder of the danger- perhaps by a notice on the street door or a ribbon tied across it. Sometimes, a table in front of a door is enough to deter wandering, while being easy to move in an emergency.
Monitor Your Feelings Carefully.
It is impossible to avoid having negative feelings in any relationship. Even if you are settled into the role of caregiver there will be all sorts of feelings that come to the surface. Sometimes it is heartbreaking to watch a dementia sufferer struggle with a simple task. This can be so discouraging it is tempting to give up.
At other times you might feel a creeping resentment that you are burdened with a responsibility that is consuming too much of your life. Monitoring these feeling and, better still, talking about them with someone you trust, can help to stop negative feeling becoming destructive.
Enlist the Help of Friends and Relatives
The more that you can spread the responsibilities the lighter they will rest on you. Also the more friendly faces that your parent encounters in any day the happier they will usually be.
Make Use of Health Professionals
If you are the main caregiver, you will often need to take the lead in health care matters. Often the person with dementia cannot ask for help themselves. Issues like eyesight, hearing, aches and pains are all things that you will need to monitor.
A new pair of spectacles, a battery for a hearing aid, a gel to relieve shingles pain are the kinds of things that can make the difference between days of intense frustration and days of calm and satisfaction.
Occupational therapists are one kind of health professional that have a lot to offer dementia suffers.
Occupational Therapist talk about ways of improving life for Dementia Sufferers and Caregivers
Links
One woman's experience caring for her mother: http://mydementedmom.com/
National Institute of Neurological Diseases information page on Lewy Body Dementia: ninds.nih.gov/dementiawithlewybodies.htm
A useful resource for understanding Frontal Lobe Disorder (Pick's Disease): medicinenet.com/pick_disease/article.htm
The latest Alzheimer's research:http://www.bu.edu/alzresearch/
Wikipedia entry on Alzheimer's Disease: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alzheimer's_disease
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This is a beautifully written and thoughtful hub, Will.
Thanks.
Thank you Kim and Lorlie. This article owes most to a family member who is caring for her mother at the moment.
My respect for her is enormous- without any kind of training she has steadily become a real professional in the caring department. She will never read this (she won't own a computer) otherwise I would have dedicated it to her.
Great hub my friend, respect to your family member.
Thx, TattoGuy.
I relate very well to this hub. This is very useful to those who are living with very old parents. I had experienced caring for my parents who died in very advanced age. I don't think they were suffering from dementia, but from depression probably, due to their ailments that rendered them helpless and a bit angry. My father had weathered bouts of strokes, my mother died of cancer. Those were real bad days, but we weathered the challenges. I'll never regret I was there when they needed me.
It takes strength and a lot of love to face up to the challenge of aging parents. It sounds as if you found those qualities in abundance,Lita.
Nicely written, very useful. Now we know what to expect as the disease progresses.
I am a creative writer, I write for monologues for performance and usually I write about things that I have experienced. You might want to take a look at 'The Apology' written about my partners Dad his forgetfulness, confusion and memory loss in his early stages of Dementia. The monologue relates some of the funny situations he (and we) have found ourselves in.
The only thing we are grateful for is that he is unaware of what is happening to him. He is very happy in his world. He is 89.
It is clear from your narrative that you also play a role in this or understand special needs of patients. Situations like these are challenging when roles have changed this dramatically. You did a great job explaining things that can help when faced with the care and responsibility of another person.
kims3003 Level 2 Commenter 2 years ago
Beautifully done article - nice writing style A+++